online dating/cruising for gays {part 3}

Part 3, ha I know right, your thinking ‘fuck, when will it end!!?. Well it won’t so just fuck up :P

So have already done 2 entire blogs on this topic but after scribbling down ideas/experiences over the last few weeks, it seems there are endless discussions that can be made on this revolution of online dating/cruising that is taking over the gay world.

Hopefully, like any good trilogy, this one will finish it all up perfectly. But I could be like one of those studios that drags out one more just cos I wanna ;) . I’ll do my best to cover all my points – can barely read them by the way.

Ok diving in, guys that insist you be REAL discrete cos they’re on the ‘down-low’. Now I’m not sure how common this is around the world, but here in NZ it seems to be an epidemic. So many dudes practically begging you to keep everything ‘hush hush’ either because they are not out to anyone, or already have a boyfriend or have a girlfriend/wife & are still denying the whole ‘I enjoy sucking cock’ bullshit. Yes we’ve all heard it before.

It really annoys me, I mean I understand that everyone comes from different backgrounds & not everyone has had the best chances to come out or even had the ability to embrace who they really are – I totally get it. But c’mon, there’s no need to be so critical about telling the other person not to tell anyone or ’spread the word’ – if that’s even possible. It goes without saying really.

I mean do they really think that right after we’ve hooked up, that the other person is going to log on facebook or twitter & post to the world that ‘I just fucked so & so from such & such website’. Makes me laugh. They act as if you know their friends/family & would immediately tell them. As if….

Honestly, when men message me saying, ‘oh dude we gotta be real discrete’ or ‘I’m only into discrete guys’ I feel like telling them, ok I won’t bring my friends along with me then or ok I won’t stalk out your family & contact them to let them know we hooked up from a cruise website. :P

I like to think that generally most guys out there are like myself & have zero interest in telling people who I’ve slept with. I mean can you imagine, if instead of the weather & current events, people were discussing who they fucked over the weekend on their breaks at lunch? haha would be strange. Then again depends on your work environment.

But then again, there are a fuckload of crazies out there, who would probably actually tell everyone they knew & who knows – maybe even go as far as to follow you round. Ew creepy. So maybe it is a good idea to make that clear before you make contact. Bit of a tricky one, but in my own personal experience I find it just fucken annoying because I get it all the damn time & I AM discrete. Sure I have mentioned a few encounters on this blog, but did I mention their name? No. Their Age? No. Their address? No. What they look like? No. I mean for all you guys know it could be anyone on the damn planet. That’s being discrete ;)

But it kinda goes without saying that everyone on those websites is being discrete. So no need to pester guys to ensure they are. They could just lie to you anyway, just to get into your pants. Just sayin :)

Another thing is when guys have seriously misleading usernames. It’s just another one of those things that give of weird/confusing messages. You see a profile with the name ‘hardjockstud’ & it’s some skinny Asian man – wtf! Or, ‘youngman’ & its someone in their 60s….

I know it can be hard to think up a profile/user name, there’s so many sites out there & generally you wanna make more than a single profile to have a better chance at ’scoring’ so can get tiring thinking of original & appropriate titles.

But it just comes down to common sense. Don’t use words like ‘macho’ ‘tough’ ‘hunk’ ‘muscle’ etc etc if you don’t even visit a gym, it’s just misleading. Like the ‘cute’ in my username in some of my profiles. It fits, it works, it’s appropriate. I am what most guys out there would say falls into the label of ‘cute’. Can you imagine if I had put ‘megajockbabe’ instead? lol

A lot of people don’t think twice about their username, but it is one of the first things guys read or see on your profile. It puts images/ideas in their head & who knows, might even put some people off clicking onto your profile in the first place. And to all those guys out there that have no pictures, well you have twice as much to worry about because your username is practically all guys have to go by & will have twice as much influence on whether you get messaged or not.

Next thing I’ve jotted down on my pad is ‘just admit your damn ethnicity’. Couldn’t be more clearer.

I reckon this is a pretty big issue, but its only an issue in the first place due to all the hatred/racism out there – especially in the gay community. But in saying that – I personally think you’re a weaker person if you can’t accept who you are & admit your real identity to others.

All sites out there allow you to choose your ethnicity & either publicly show it on your profile or even let you hide it or not fill it out at all. I could go on about this topic quite a lot, but the only point I’m trying to make here is that I’ve noticed a lot of dudes out there are lying about their ethnicity – just another one of those things which guys do online to mislead others.

I remember years & years back I met this guy online. We chatted, he seemed cool & we hooked up late one night. His profile stated he was ‘Polynesian’, ya know from the Islands, we have tonnes of hot poly boys down here in Auckland – but he was Indian.

I have nothing against Indians, they’re great people – I worked alongside them during my 3 & a half years as a waiter & one of my class mates in uni was Indian, they’re a very loyal, hardworking, friendly bunch I found – but generally speaking I don’t find myself attracted to Indian men. Anyway my point is, I met up with this guy thinking he was this buff Islander {as he claimed} but he was actually this tall skinny Indian guy. Not my type.

I think he only showed me one picture before we met – this was back when I thought you didn’t really need to see many pics, gosh I was so young & stupid back then hahaha! And the pic was one of those dark, can-barely-see-or-make-out-anything photos… so I just rolled with it. Who was I to say he was lying?

It was horrible. Meeting someone & seeing they’re nothing like what you thought they would be. Ew I cringe looking back at it now. And I could kinda tell he knew I was upset he had lied about his ethnicity which just made the whole scenario awkward. One of my many regrets, but kinda had to happen in order for me to learn from the experience & grow as a person blah blah.

But even over the last few years it has happened again, guess it’s just one of those things you can escape from. Pictures will help you find the truth though – which, again, is why they are essential.

But the thing I don’t understand is this. I can understand you might be upset that you’re from a ethnicity which has a lot of negative stereotypes etc & notice there are many profiles out there which state they don’t find your race attractive, but why would you want to lie to someone about your race – so you can meet someone who really is not attracted to the type of person you are???? I mean wouldn’t you rather be up front & honest & focus on the people who totally dig you? That way you would exclude the people who wouldn’t be interested? I mean I don’t get why guys would do that.

It might seem a bit mean & a little racist, but I’ve experienced this first hand & it’s not nice! All you need to do is be honest when creating your profile & if you don’t want to publicly put your ethnicity on your profile then don’t, as long as you have a couple of pictures of yourself, it will be clear enough anyway. :)

This ties in with my next point. There’s no need to be a total wanker when writing on your profile.

There are a huge number of profiles out there that are just plain filled with negativity & are almost hateful. I’ve no idea how these people manage to find love or sex.

For example, all online dating/cruise sites have an area where you can write a few paragraphs or sentences about yourself and what your searching for. Seems simple enough right? Well there’s a big percentage of guys out there who see this as a place to exclaim their disgust & hate towards everything from certain age groups, ethnicities, body types etc…

Personally I think – instead of writing about all the stuff you hate & coming off as a fucken dick, why don’t you write about what you DO LIKE which will then tell guys exactly what you want & will let them know if they should message you or not. They also won’t think you’re a complete cunt. :D

I mean I could sit here writing ALL night through to tomorrow about all the profiles across the internet I’ve seen over the years that are just filled with, ‘no one over the age of….’, ‘I hate guys who….’, ‘don’t even dare message me if you come from….’, ‘I can’t stand….’, ‘get a life if you…’. And these are the nicer ones I’ve come across, most are written in CAPS followed with countless!!!!!!!! and are, well just so blatantly mean & nasty.

It’s almost childish to be honest. You’re supposed to be attracting guys remember. Some of the profiles out there seem to have been written by bitchy little teenagers, but no – they actually belong to 20 somethings or 30 somethings or even 40 somethings. It’s embarrassing.

Look at it this way, you don’t see ads out there saying ‘Not for people….’, ‘don’t buy this if you….’, ‘you can’t afford this if….’ do you? No, instead they are filled with nice messages for the target audience they are trying to attract. Try to be like that. It only makes sense. Plus no one likes a hateful bitch, we already have too many in the gay community. Be the bigger man ;)

Well I’ve got a few points left but they’re nothing I really wanna dwell on. Like sending ‘winks’ or those generic messages – for god’s sake just pull your nuts out & say hi, at least! Yes I am guilty of sending winks in the past but I’ve learnt that you might as well just send your own message anyway. It is true – there are people who will NOT reply to those ‘wink’ emails. Remember, as I already covered in part 2, they’ll either say not interested or you won’t get a reply, or be a nasty dick – but at the end of the day it’s just an email.

Pictures that are too old. It’s always good to have pictures, but it’s even BETTER to have pics that are no older than 2 years. I’ll admit, I am guilty of this. Some of my pics are a few years old – but in my defence I really haven’t changed at all in the last 4-5 years. In fact my body has gotten better in that time. It’s funny, I had a mate from uni message me online last week saying how, even though I’ll be the big 22 this coming November, I still look exactly the same as 18. Is that a good or bad thing? LOL :P But yea, I’ve seen some profile with pics so old it’s pretty obvious at first glance – can be a little worrying.

Last point I’ll mention are the guys out there looking for NSA fun. And for those who didn’t get it the first time {I didn’t lol} it stands for No Strings Attached. Ya know, the dudes just looking to get their dicks wet then move on. I mean fair enough, we’re all searching for different things from others.

But the thing I’ve found, not sure if it’s just my experience, but a lot of these dudes with NSA statements on their profiles are just all bullshit. The amount of times I’ve met someone like this & the next week or even the next day they’re texting me or emailing me wanting more, or to meet again or to go further – countless. I always feel like saying, why the hell do you say only up for NSA fun? I mean I’m all for going further & meeting again if they’re what I’m interested in, but why put those statements on your profile? Is it just a safety measure for them? Or are they just plain backwards?

Anyway that’s it for part 3 I reckon. As of now I don’t plan to do a part 4. I do have more notes & topics I could talk about but I think I have covered more than enough in all 3 parts now for someone to go out there comfortably into the online dating/cruise environment. :)

I’ve already had a little feedback from a few readers who have said they totally agree with my thoughts on these topics. Glad I could share them with you. It’s funny how so many people agree, yet so many profiles out there contradict that.

Quite a funny thing, how guys can be so misleading & shady & negative, yet guys are on those sites all searching for the same things – love, sex, or just to have a good time – 3 positive things. I’ll never understand it. But we all need to learn & experience it, otherwise we’d never understand and be able to learn from being tricked & grow into wiser people. But you’ve heard that before surely ;) .

This post was suppose to be up last week, but I was majorly sick so sorry about that. Had to take 2 days off work then drag my still sick ass the following 3 days of the week. Doc said I should have taken the whole week off but I can’t really afford to atm. Am feeling much better now :) .

Winter is almost over, fucken finally! :P

Bye :)

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 16th, 2012 at 2:38 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

16 Responses to “online dating/cruising for gays {part 3}”

  1. Gil Says:

    Great blog clearly from your personal experience…the best. I love that you love who you are…Cheers

  2. thomas Says:

    very well opening funnily written blog – had me laughing out loud

  3. Frederik Says:

    I loved to read this and I totally agree. Why not more people act the more properly way like you describe? Because they lack courage, and are always looking to fit in the mainstream, looking to be likeable, and adapting an image they think is fashionable. “what would others think of them?”. Call them cowards or people living in fear and doubts.
    There are few out there that have the courage to stand out of the crowd, and you are one of them ;) (perhaps me too haha) XX

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